Saturday, October 17, 2009

Challenges and Growth

How have I been challenged? Life here is the opposite of independent. I have an exact schedule of my week given to me on monday, and there seems to be very little room for spontaneity. I also realize just how independent I had become during that year in Portland. It is a super good example of the reality of community, dying to myself, and the loss of independence that is necessary to gain some of the benefits of community, something I have seen to be so good. I have been challenged by word made flesh. What life is worth living? What is the best? I love the lifestyle celebrations- intimacy with God always coming first, obedience, humility, and community. That´s as far as we´ve gone in depth to date. I am here, and I love caring for these people, being in legitimate community with the marginalized. I see how close they are to God´s heart. I have come to believe that seeing an oppressed woman smile and feel cared for, that is a glimpse of the Kingdom of God here on Earth. These are the things that Christ preached, that in the Kingdom the sorrowful would know happiness, and that Christ brought the Kingdom. Some of my questions are, is WMF the unique setting that these things can take place? I could see myself living here, I think. As much as I seriously don´t like Buenos Aires, the food, the reality and harshness of this big city. I love the community, and I love the emphasis on relationship in the ministry. Gosh, yet I don´t know what is best. I don´t think I need to know, now. I think I need to focus on loving well while I am here, seeking God with all of myself, and drawing small conclusions on lifestlye, not epic assumptions on life plans.

Some things I have learned about myself. Something community will tend to teach anyone: I am so selfish. I love comfort, and I love protecting my little ego as much as possible. Seeing vulnerability within our community has allowed me to be ok with some of my shortcomings, ok to open up and allow God to heal some of the brokenness. Its a beautiful thing. I love babies. Did I already know that? Well, there is something very deep in me that draws me to bringing life into this world, and being a part of an intimate family. I have learned that touch brings life and can be redemptive. I have learned that I need relationships to be central for there to be meaning in things that I do. My biggest fear is being inauthentic, doing something meaningless. I am so lazy, my natural state is rest and I need motivators around me to get me going. Its funny that this experience is one that brings so much personal brokenness to the forefront, but I think it has to do with the reality we are in and the brokenness we are faced with every day. I think there will be a lot of personal healing to come through this time, and that is super exciting.

1 comment: